Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
