I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
