I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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