I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
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apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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