You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
