I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
