i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
