it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
