I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
