We won't sleep together?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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