she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
