Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
