He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I love having hate sex.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
