He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
