I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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