Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
