im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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