The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
