I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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