R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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