well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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