i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
