ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
