I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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