I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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