Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We have started to decorate penises.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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