i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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