so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
