At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize