He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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