that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She announced her abortion via fbk
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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