Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm having to shit out rocks
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
