Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Houston, we have a squirter
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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