I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
