i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She needs sedatives and a leash
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
