from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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