i just google imaged poop.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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