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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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