i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
