Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
