Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
