woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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