I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
