I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
