i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
