you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
