i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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