if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
