Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
no more duck duck goose at the bar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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