You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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