So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
