Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
