I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
