Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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