TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
