I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
