I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
