Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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