C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
