we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
jump out the window naked night went bad
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
