Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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