Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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