I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
