saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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