You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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