I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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