mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
