this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
