btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
