i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
