very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my shit smells like andre
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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