You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
