There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
