I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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