WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
