Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
