There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
