loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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