So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
