Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
