I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
