The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
