chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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