I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
