I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
