As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
