apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
